what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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