there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize