i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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