Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
