what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
