you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
