Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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