This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
