mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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