You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
