you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
