So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
