based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
