And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize