Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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