The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
