she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
