you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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