So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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