I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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