I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
