At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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