Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
