her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
