You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
