I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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