Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
