I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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