so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
