Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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