He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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