Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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