he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize