And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
