I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
