Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
