We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
