if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
