I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
