She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
