Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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