Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
