Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
