Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I didn't notice because vodka
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
