i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
