I love black thongs
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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