I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
