**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
