We're facebook friends in real life
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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