So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
