Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
