Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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