Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
