Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
