Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
