I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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