Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Do you still have your period?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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