thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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