When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
