what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
