but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize