Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He felt like a one man threesome
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
All the doctor said was why
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
