I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
