I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize