Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
