my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
