Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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