So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize