He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
