You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
