our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
