eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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