Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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