Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
