Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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