Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize