I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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