they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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