ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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