lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
