I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
