Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I cockslap morals
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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