It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I still have a little drunk in my system
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
