Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
