Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
