Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Randomize
