You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
