all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
