I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
