Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
