Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
