her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
