Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
