Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize