im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
