on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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