...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
