they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
