I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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