we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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