nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
