i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
